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Gil is on the air. Dismal decor, perfunctory service, and cuisine which is only marginally preferable to hunger. And so tonight, a sad adieu to the grande dame of Seattle restaurants. Frasier swallows a laugh and bats her shoulder in mock reproof. Until next time, this is Gil Chesterton saying bon appetite, buon appatito and nifty noshing. He goes off the air. Frasier and Roz come into the booth.
It retains only memories of its former glory. Not comping your check anymore? Not for months now. You ever been there, Roz? Niles enters holding something in a bag. Just enough time to show you the John Steinbeck first edition I bought at the rare book fair.
The smallest smudge decreases its value. Oh, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors. Roz glares at him, then plucks the book from his hands and licks the back cover. He is stunned and wipes it off with his handkerchief.
She goes back to her booth. Grandfather took me there for my eighth birthday. Childhood memories, so vivid. Will Maris be joining us? She had a bad experience there one Christmas Eve.
An Italian soccer team was sitting at the next table, Maris announced she was in the mood for a goose, and - perhaps inevitably - tragedy ensued. The restaurant is very fancy, but almost completely empty. Martin, Daphne, Frasier and Niles enter down the staircase. What has happened to this place? Well, I got quite an appetite. Do you have a reservation? Yes, the name is Crane, for four. Ah, table nine seems to be free. Right this way sir, your waiter will be with you in a moment.
He leads them to their seats. Niles notices an elderly waiter crossing the room. Oh my God, I believe it is. You know, Otto is legendary here.
We would like menus, please. I hate it when we get crowded. Order me a beer. Oh gee, Dad, for a moment there, I thought you were going to surprise me and order a glass of wine. Oh yeah, for a moment there I thought you were gonna surprise me and button your yap. He hands them out, they all say "Thank you. Otto nods and heads that way. No, no, leave it here. Why are Americans always in such an almighty rush to tear things down? It would be a crime to lose a landmark like this.
I mean, look at it. It does have good bones. If they only had valet parking If they just took down those awful curtains Knocked out these pillars Frasier and Niles stop and look at each other with growing smiles. Of course, everyone knows that. Martin comes back and sits down. Owning a restaurant is hard work. With all due respect, Dad, we are not exactly neophytes in this field. We know food, we know wine Lord knows we have style, taste and refinement No, to you, owning a restaurant is just wearing fancy clothes, hobnobbing with your friends and turning your enemies away at the door.
In ten years, it must have changed hands twenty times. Huh, big surprise, that lasted about five minutes. Daphne is not amused. You know, Frasier, Dad has a point. A lot of people have lost a lot of money in this business for one reason: Martin gives Niles a dark look. I was thinking about this while Dad was talking. Martin gives Frasier a darker look. We want our name to be inviting and welcoming. No sign on the outside, no advertisements and oh, an unlisted number!
Maybe you could post some guards on the roof who can shoot people as they try to get in. Right from the wine cellar to the rafters! And for the lady? All the tables are packed with elegant couples and parties.
Niles comes from the kitchen in a tuxedo and joins Frasier, similarly attired, to gaze in pride over the redecorated restaurant. Every table in the place is full. No, no, no, Niles. That is the "Enchanted Grotto.
Yes, Chef Maurice has really outdone himself. The menu simply cannot be improved upon. I want those cherries to be jubilant. Niles adds brandy to the cherries as Frasier walks over to Martin and Daphne. Daphne, Dad, everything all right here? I arrested a guy for that once.
The Fat Innkeeper by Alan Russell (1995, Hardcover) | eBay
You and your brother really pulled it off, Dr. Yes, well, sorry to disappoint you Dad, but the restaurant is a success. Martin just shakes his head as Frasier walks away. As he passes the cherries jubilee, he stops and adds more brandy.
The sous-chef is puttering around a large aquarium tank. Niles hovers behind him.
TV Time With Bob: Frasier : "The Innkeepers"
He prefers to kill them to order, then serve them with their heads still on. When people hear the name Niles Crane, I want them to think "Big souffle.
Niles heads out to the dining room. He is met by a waiter. Leave them to me. He goes to the stairs to find Bulldog and a young lady there. May I help you? These guys are all alike. Oh, Bulldog, enjoy our finest table. There, you see that? Little flash of green and you get anything you want.